Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
