her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
