I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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