you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How's work?
Spinning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
