Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
