Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Come share oat with me in your robe
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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