Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
