pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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