the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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