So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
