no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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