Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
