I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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