man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
