he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
