I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize