They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
