Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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