Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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