What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize