we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
