Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
