But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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