Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
