im drinking this country out of the recession.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
