Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
