home. puking in laundry basket.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
last night I used snow as a chaser
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