I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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