Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
