I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
should my penis look like a turkey
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
