I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
