I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There are leaves in my underwear?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
