Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
porn star boner night. come get it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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