dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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