the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
