I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
