I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
