i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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