The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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