Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
