i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
