I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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