FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
