i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
