Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
