Its about making memories worth repressing
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
