Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
