if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
