I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
