Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
