Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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