Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize