you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
