You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
