Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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