Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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