ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
