i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
