He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize