yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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