I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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