I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
