i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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