Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
