put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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