u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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