You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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