ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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