Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
