She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
