okay pat passed out under dana's car
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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