i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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