dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
