Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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