I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
