forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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