a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
