Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
